


I, Alone

by Ladyhawk_lhflu



Series: I, Alone [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Legends: X-Wing Series - Aaron Allston & Michael Stackpole
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 09:42:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12981354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyhawk_lhflu/pseuds/Ladyhawk_lhflu
Summary: On Corellia, Qui Gon looks for something, and finds something unexpected.





	I, Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Old fics that I needed to get up here. First part is TPM, I Jedi, and X-Wing based. The second story is mostly X-Wing. Titles and poetry are from the band Live.

Corellia is a world much like Coruscant. It is the center of its part of the universe, always moving, never sleeping. Moving through the main city on the planet is sometimes confusing, because I always expect to find the Jedi Temple in its center. The Corellian training center, however, is on the city's outskirts.

Today, I am walking to the Corellian Temple with one of its new Masters. His Jedi credit, a coin worn on a chain that symbolizes Jedi masterhood on this planet, gleams in the fading sunlight as we reach the outskirts of the city.

"I enjoyed working with your Padawan today. He is truly a great weapons artist." Nejaa Halcyon, a shortish young man with clear green eyes gazes up at me with a gentle smile. "You must be very proud of him."

"I am." Then I sigh. My meditations of late have been heaving focused on my padawan, Obi Wan Kenobi. Pride, however, is not the subject I have been seeking help for in the Force. My feelings for Obi Wan extend way beyond pride. . .

I turn my attention to Master Halcyon quickly though, before he can note my distraction. "I was hoping Obi Wan would be able to learn from you. I feel he needs to broaden his sights on many things."

"Oh, he's far from perfect, Qui Gon. I'd be happy to teach him the things they forget on Coruscant." Corellian Jedi's emphasis, rather than being on protecting the galaxy from itself, is on family, home. Something neither I or my padawan has had much experience with because we both grew up on Coruscant. Still, something compelled me to come here with him when the Council asked for a volunteer for a routine check of the Corellian Temple and subset of the Council.

"I'd be honored. Are you sure you have time, considering you have both your son and another student to train?"

"Valin is very young. If we were on Coruscant, he'd still be in the youngest group of the creche. He spends most of his time with a pre-training group in the Temple during the day. Rojer could learn a few things from Obi Wan, especially about diplomacy. If you don't mind, I'd like them to teach each other for now."

That will suit my padawan better than sitting through boring discussions with Corellia's Jedi Council. "Thank you. I know Obi Wan will be pleased with that arrangement."

That will also give me some space away from my padawan. I intend to use it to calm myself, to gather my feelings and hide them before they disturb Obi Wan. I love the young one too much to do anything to jeapardize his training, even if it means never telling him how much he means to me. . .

We walk into the Temple and toward the rooms Nejaa uses to train his student. "You must take some time to relax while you're here, Qui Gon. I've heard you are one of Coruscant's top negotiators. I'm sure you rarely get time to yourself. And you look overly tense right now, if I may be so bold."

Corellians, and especially Halcyons, are known for their straight-forwardness. Nejaa's statement, therefore, doesn't even faze me. And he does have a good idea. "You're right, I am. I would not be adverse to any suggestions you may have concerning a place to relax."

Nejaa smiles and turns toward two young men practicing with their lightsabers. Obi Wan corrects Rojer Antilles even as the blades clash together. Rojer nods and makes the correction with ease, then suggests another move to Obi Wan, one I've never heard of. Nejaa is correct, these two can learn much from each other.

I am so engrossed in the scene before me that I have to suppress a startle reaction when Nejaa answers my implied question. "The inner section of the city has some interesting establishments. You might find some entertainment and relaxation there."

I look at him quizzically at the term 'interesting' but don't question him about it. I suppose I'll venture around there tonight and see what he means. I nod at his next statement and save it in my memory for my future excursion. "You should probably try the Shining Jewel, Qui Gon. I've never been there myself, but Ralstek swears that it is an absolutely wonderful place and that they are friendly to the Jedi, both Corellian and otherwise."

Ralstek Horn is Nejaa's best friend, and has been since their childhood together. When taking time off from working at the Temple, Nejaa can often be found helping Ralstek investigate criminal cases for Corellian Security. I met Ralstek when we first landed, standing by Nejaa's side. He looked like a very kind man, but a small probing with the Force told me that the man has a mischevious streak about a parsec wide. That streak makes me hestitate at Nejaa's suggestion now, but still, I may need something different to take my mind off the distraction that is coming toward us now.

"Master, you're back! We didn't expect you so soon." Obi Wan smiles as he steps up to me. "Did you enjoy the tour of the city?"

"Yes, Padawan. It is much like Corusant, and yet not. In fact, I was planning to give you some time to explore the city yourself, so you can see for yourself."

At the point, Rojer speaks up. "I would be glad to take Obi Wan on a tour two nights from now. The Festival will begin then. It will be a wonderful time to be out."

"May I, Master?" The eagerness in Obi Wan's eyes pulls at me. I could not deny him this, even if I wanted to.

"Of course."

Rojer interrupts again before I can say more. "Master Jinn, if it would not be an intrusion, I would like Obi to join my family for an evening or two. He wants to learn more about us. There is no better way to do this than to interact with our families."

From speaking to Nejaa on the subject, I suspect this is most certainly true. However, I cannot help but wonder if the dark-haired, attractive Rojer has more in mind for my Padawan. I squelch my feelings of jealousy quickly. Obi Wan deserves the chance to fall in love. I cannot imagine that he would fall in love with his old master, never mind my feelings for him. "That is acceptable." I turn to my padawan. "But I expect you back at the Temple early each morning."

"Yes, Master." Obi Wan bows to me with an odd look in his eyes. For a second, he appeared wounded by my statement. Perhaps my desire for my padawan is altering my perceptions. I sigh mentally. I need more meditation on this subject.

Then I gather my composure as Nejaa and I get involved in the two-sided weapons lesson.

__________________________________________________

That night, after I send Obi Wan off with young Antilles, I head for the inner city. I am mildly surprised that Master Halcyon would point me this way, because what I find resembles the outskirts of the Senatorial sector of Coruscant. Here are the gambling houses, the bars. As I move toward the small sign of the place I was recommended, I see that the building's appearance is opposite it's name. Rather than being the brightly lit and gaudy place the name Shining Jewel suggests, it is a simple place without any windows, but it looks clean enough from the outside.

I open the door and am greeted by a brightly dressed clerk. She takes one look at my tunic and smiles. "Hello Sir Jedi. Would you be looking for a servant, servitude, or just some time in the main room tonight?"

I look blankly at the young lady for a few seconds as I try to figure out what in the Force she is talking about. When I figure it out, I have to squelch the need to blush before I answer her. "The main room, please."

"Right this way." The clerk directs me to a softly lighted room. I take a seat at a back table. A server immediately comes to me, and I order a mild intoxicant. I am here to relax after all.

As the server goes to fill my order, I discreetly look around me. Most of the beings here are casually attired. Some wear black or white hoods over their heads.

When the server puts my drink on the table, I ask him about it. 

"Those in white hoods are servants. The ones in the black hoods are those they serve."

"Do they not know each other?"

"No. Here, we are discreet. We ask both servant and master what they are looking for when they come in here and match them up accordingly. Most are looking to change their role for a time, but want noone to know they come here. We aim to please, of course."

I nod as I watch a white-hooded servant lean into his master's arms. Oh to be lead instead of leading for once. I may have to explore this aspect of this place.

Just as that thought services, the lights go on at the stage in front of the rows of tables. A beautiful Twi'lek woman begins dancing there as soft music wafts through the room.

As I watch her, I also try to calm the turmoil of my thoughts. Is this what Nejaa Halcyon thought I needed? If so, can I do this and not feel like I'm betraying my feelings for Obi Wan? Or is this what I need to be able to let go of him? I can't tell him how I feel. So maybe this can give me a part of what I need in the absence of the thing I really want.

My thoughts drift in almost a semi-meditation as I watch the Twi'lek, then two other dancers go through their routines. 

When I get up to head back to the Temple, I am more confused than I was when I walked in here.

_________________________________________________

The lessons I teach Obi Wan the next morning are all the more harder for the confusion in my mind. I am grateful when Nejaa sees some of my distress and offers to help my padawan on aspects of Corellian culture.

Once I hand Obi Wan off to Halcyon, I head back to the quarters were we assigned to meditate.

As my knees hit the soft blue meditation mat, I know I'm not going to get anywhere with this exercise. Yet, I do my best to find a calm center. After mulling all I've been through in the last day or so, I decide to go back to the Shining Jewel. I need more information about their practices before I can dare to find a way out of my growing obsession for my apprentice.

When I join my apprentice and the others in the afternoon, it is at least with the appearance of calm. Obi Wan, however, is not so easily fooled as I thought.

"Master, is something troubling you?" My apprentice's blue-green eyes shine into mine with worry etched on his face.

I sigh mentally and strengthen my shields. He must never know. My meditations have at least given me this much of an answer to my dilemma. "Only the state of the Republic at the moment. We have been very busy of late." 

This is most certainly true. Corellia is the first reprieve we've had in almost half a standard year. Luckily, my padawan accepts this truth as an explanation with a nod.

Even with my padawan's concern diverted, I find this one of the most trying days of my life.

__________________________________________________

When I arrive at the Shining Jewel that night, the same clerk greets me. "Ah, Sir Jedi. What is your pleasure tonight?"

I brace myself. This is what I need. I'm doing this for my own good, and that of my padawan. "Please, I would like to learn more about servitude in this place."

The clerk smiles and nods her head, then leads me to a small conference room. "Wait here. Our director of activities will be with you momentarily and explain everything you need to know."

I sit at the table as the door closes. A minute later, the door opens again to the presence of a small, but attractive man. "Good evening Sir Jedi. Before you say anything, let me say that we have strict guidelines of anonymity, so I won't even ask your name. Our greeter said you had some questions?"

The time has come to commit myself to this course of action. "Yes, I have questions about the role of servitude."

The man in front of me smiles. "Ah. Well, we like to match both servant and master on the qualities they have and are looking for in the other. Most people who come here are just looking for some fun, not pain, as is offered in other places around here. We will cater to that, but we prefer not to."

I nod. "I'm not looking for anything like that."

"Ah, wonderful. But certainly you may make preferences for eye color, build, things like that. To maintain anonymity, we ask that participants wear hoods. White is for the servant, black for the master. Of course, if both parties agree, in the back rooms, the hoods can be removed." The man lays a datapad in front of me. "Here is the application to enter into a servant/master situation. Look it over, and fill it out if you like. When you are finished with it, leave it with the clerk. She will know what to do with it. By the way, I took the liberty of assigning you a name in case you wish to join us in this. You will be known as Hawkbat. He chuckles. "We don't get too many people from Coruscant here."

Hawkbats are the one of the few species of animal life originally native to Coruscant. His comment brings home the fact that I am easily recognizable in my Jedi tunic when I come here. I must rectify that if I am to continue. 

I watch the director leave and turn my attention to the datapad. As I read it, I somehow feel chained to my fate. I find myself filling it out with a request for a master much like the master of my heart. One so young may be difficult to find at such a place as this, and yet, that is what I request. Ah well. I finish filling it out and walk out of the room to hand it to the clerk. "I do not wish to fulfill this request tonight, but I will be back perhaps tomorrow with a desire to do so."

The clerk smiles and nods as she takes the datapad. I bid her goodnight, then walk out of the place. 

As I head back to the temple, I look toward tomorrow with both excitement and dread.

__________________________________________________

Obi Wan is filled with light the next day as we head toward the Council room.

"Rojer has told me about the Festival, Master. He told me he wants to take me somewhere special for the opening night. It is to be both mysterious and much fun, he says." I can see that the last six months have taken their toll on my student, because he is almost giddy at the idea of having some fun.

"Just be careful, my Padawan. There is both fun and danger in the city."

Obi Wan grins. "I am not a young boy, Master. I am twenty one, and fully able to take care of myself."

I look him over, and admit, yes my padawan has become a fine adult. Everything I could have possibly wanted him to be. Therein lies my problem.

I sigh as we walk into the Council room and wish for the thousandth time that the Force could give me peace in this matter.

__________________________________________________

When I walk into the Shining Jewel this night, it is without my Jedi tunic. I exchange it instead for a white jumpsuit that I know will match the hood I am to wear tonight.

The clerk nods to me as I enter the lobby. "Good evening, Sir Hawkbat. If you wish, we have found you a match for tonight."

"I wish it, thank you."

The clerk hands me a white hood. "Put this on and proceed to room three. You will find what you seek there." She points to a hallway opposite the entrance to the main room.

I follow her directions and stop at the door to room three after I cover my head. I hestitate, wondering if I'm doing the right thing, giving myself to a stranger when all I want is the very thing I can't have. But then I berate myself. I am doing this to calm myself, to get over my apprentice.

I open the door to find a softly lit room with a high bed covered in blankets of jeweled tones. Upon the bed lay a lithe man in a black hood and a shirt and leggings of the brightest blue.

"Hawkbat, I am told, is the name given to you." He turns his head to look at me. The smooth tones of his voice relax me immediately.

But I find the voice is the product of the hoods that we wear in the instance I speak, because my voice sounds unfamiliar. "Yes, sir. May I ask what you are called?"

He must also be new at this because I can see his hand shaking as he waves me toward him. "I am called Copper."

I examine the body in front of my eyes, wondering how the staff arrived at that name as I kneel beside the bed. No matter. "How may I serve you, Master Copper?" I can see that this one is young, as I requested. Best to help him along. He looks so very nervous.

"Uh, undress me, Hawkbat." His eyes flit to mine. Amazingly, they match those of my padawan almost perfectly. I startle at the thought of the one who holds my heart. Oh, what have I gotten myself into??

Yet, by walking into this room, I have in essence, made a promise to serve the man in front of me. So I set myself to the requested task.

The body revealed to me by my own hands is lithe, but well muscled, smooth and slightly tanned. I run my hands over it without asking permission, because somehow it entices me. The moan that greets my ears, however, says that my touch is not unwanted.

"My Hawkbat, undress yourself as well. I wish to watch." Ah, the young man has gathered his courage. I smile under my hood. By his posture on the bed now, and the command in his voice, I think to myself that this young one will be a fine leader. He doesn't take very long to adjust to new and demanding situations.

I move to obey him by standing up slowly. I give him a good show by removing my jumpsuit slowly and carefully, all the while watching shadows of emotions flit across his eyes.

When I finish, he reaches out with a hand to pull me to the bed. I have to strain to make out the whisper he mutters under his breath. I wonder if it is meant for me. "I alone love you. I alone tempt you."

I try to dismiss the words as he guides me to lie on top of him. I move to take my weight on my arms, not wanting to crush him. "Your orders, Master Copper?" I whisper as our hoods touch.

"Allow me to take you, Hawkbat. It is what I wish for tonight."

This is not my normal way. Most often in my sexual relations, I am in control and do the taking. But my instincts tell me to trust this young man as I've trusted so few others. I nod.

With that, I am guided to my back on the big bed. Copper kneels over me, looking me over. I am surprised to see his eyes glisten, as if with tears, when he reaches out to touch me.

Before I can question him about it, his hands settle on my chest. I moan at the electricity flowing through this contact. How can I feel this way with a stranger?

The electricity turns into a blazing fire quicky as his hands roam to all my sensitive areas. I fervently wish at this point to ask to remove our hoods, because I know the feel of his lips on my skin would burn even more. But the one remaining rational part of my mind knows it would be a mistake.

So I concentrate on that which I am given. I thrash and moan under his touch, and silently ask for more by arching up off the bed. He answers my request by smoothing his hand over my straining erection. My reaction to this touch is so intense that I almost hear him whisper again. "I, alone."

But I have no time to ponder this verbalization as I watch him dip a finger into the small bowl of oil laying on the bedside table. Then I feel that finger inside me. I gasp.

Copper watches my face carefully as he adds another finger inside me and begins to stretch the opening gently. A question seems to flare in his eyes after a few minutes. Am I ready, they seem to ask.

I nod my head. At that, he dips his hand into the bowl again and coats his cock with the glistening oil. I release a breath as he moves into position.

But nothing prepares for what happens next. As he enters me, I feel a mind reach out to me through the Force. I cry out as I feel a touch that is as familiar to me as breathing.

He must not have realized he reached out mentally, or at least did not expect what he finds at the other end of that mental touch, because I see him gasp as if in pain. 

In the next second, our hoods are ripped off by the Force. I watch as my Padawan's braid falls to his chest in wonderment, then meet his eyes. His mouth form the word I said to him not minutes ago.

"Master??" Obi Wan starts to pull back and I feel shame flood the bond between us. I reach my hand to grasp his before he can get away.

"Obi Wan, if you thought me a stranger as I lay like this, why did you attempt to touch my mind? That is a grave invasion of privacy." I can't help the tone of my voice. My role as teacher is automatic.

"I, I didn't, Master. I just felt your presence rushing toward me as I. . ." Obi Wan drops his gaze to my chest. I can see the tears dripping off his cheeks.

Not wanting to cause my Padawan any more distress, I close my eyes and examine my mind to find out what exactly happened. I gasp as I touch our training bond, which seems to be strengthened tenfold in the last few minutes. I carefully reach out toward Obi Wan through it and am greeted by his complete mental presence, rather than the muted presence usually broadcast by the bond. Realization begins to enter me, but I must be sure.

//Obi Wan?//

Even though my eyes are closed, I can feel his gaze shoot to my face at this. There has never been telepathy between us before. Yet, he tries to answer me the same way.

//Master?//

//Obi Wan, I heard you speak before. Of your love for someone?//

I open my eyes and pull on his hand as I feel him try to close his mind off from me. "Obi Wan, tell me."

Tears stream down his face as his glistening eyes meet mine. "It's you, Master. I'm so sorry. I, I never meant--"

"Shh, Obi Wan. It's ok." I send a wave of love through our newly strengthened bond. Our forgotten physical connection deepens as he gasps and arches in response.

//Ohhhh, I never realized. . .// Wonder suffuses his face as he finally understands what has happened between us. //I thought that it was only my fantasy.//

//That I am loved and tempted by you alone? No, Padawan, that is a very real fact.// I pull on his hand until his chest lands on top of mine. Then I tip his chin up, and our lips meet for the first time.

The love that engulfs me at that simple touch is mind-boggling. In the interest of protecting each other, we almost let something very beautiful slip through our fingers. 

I open my mind completely to Obi Wan as he pulls away slightly to catch his breath. //Should we finish what we started here, beloved?//

He braces himself on his elbows to look down at me. "But Master, shouldn't you be the one--"

"No, my Padawan. I am giving myself to you, in love. Do with me what you wish." I smile at the astonishment in his face. This rapid turn of event is difficult for me to comprehend. I never realized that the Force would guide me this way. That instead of giving myself to a stranger, and trying to dissapate my feelings, I have been allowed to strengthen them into something better. 

I want him to see the gift we have been given as well. By giving myself to him, I am making sure that he understands as much as I do that this is real. This is love. This is the will of the Force.

I relax into my lover's touch as he examines my face with his hands. I still see tears on his face, but there is joy in his eyes. His voice chokes on a sob. "Qui Gon. . ."

I remain still as his emotions settle into something less overwhelming, yet just as strongly felt. Arousal comes back to us simultaneously, as he begins to move slowly inside me.

I arch into my beloved's chest as passion surges through our bodies and our bond. Although I can feel Obi Wan trying to control himself, trying to make it last, I know this will be over quickly. We have waited too long for this. . .

In a few quick thrusts, I feel him surge against me hard, spilling his seed within me. Seconds later, I feel my own seed spill upon my chest as blinding pleasure engulfs me. The blackness overtakes me. . .

I awake to a relieved sigh in my mind. //Master, are you. . .did I hurt you?//

I open my eyes to the concerned gaze of my Padawan. "Shh, my love. I'm fine. I have never felt such ecstacy before. Thank you, beloved."

Obi Wan blushes and buries his face in my chest. Then worry begins to overtake him. //What do we do now?//

I kiss the top of his head and hold him tightly. //Be calm, Obi Wan. All we must do is declare our bond to the Council, and once they see it is true, they will give their consent for us to continue on this path. We can ask that this be done by the Corellian Council, if you so choose.//

Obi Wan shrugs. //I just want this to be ok. I don't care who approves it.//

//We will decide in the morning then, love. Come, let's get dressed and head back. We should get some rest.// I pull us up and begin to gather our clothes.

__________________________________________________

After sleeping the night with my love securely wrapped in my arms, we walk into Master Halcyon's training rooms to see two grinning Corellians and a venerable old Jedi Master with a smirk on his face.

"Master Yoda!" Obi Wan's shock is transmitted through our bond, just as a similar emotion overtakes me.

"Did you two have fun last night?" Nejaa smiles up at me with a light in his eyes.

"You didn't--" I blink at him as I try to figure out what's going on here.

"Ask him to get you both together, I did." My master looks up at me. "Needed enlightenment, you both did."

Rojer laughs at my bafflement. "We all could see it. I couldn't believe how blind you two were. You were practically broadcasting your feelings to the whole planet!"

I look back at Obi Wan, who just shrugs and takes my hand. 

I grasp it tightly as I turn back to the other three. "I guess this means we already have the Council's approval?"

Yoda nods. "Sending you to Yeles, we are. Learn you must, to understand and control the bond."

I nod as a sigh of relief comes through the bond from my love. "Thank you, Master."

"You don't leave until tomorrow, Qui Gon. Why don't you two go back to your quarters? We wouldn't want to get in between you and the formation of your family." Nejaa looks at me steadily. "This is a very important time for you both."

Obi Wan and I take our leave and head down the hall. As we face the door of our quarters, I look toward him and smile. "You alone, my love."

Obi Wan clutches my hand tightly as I open the door to our new life. 

"You alone, Qui Gon."


End file.
